Excerpted from the Union Leader Correspondent

CONWAY — The Maine man police discovered at the bottom of a women’s outhouse last month told investigators that he was searching for his wedding ring.

According to court papers filed by Carroll County Sheriff’s Department Capt. Jon Herbert, officers were called to the Lower Falls by a U.S. Forest Service worker on June 26 after a girl entered the restroom and saw a man in the raw sewage vault “looking up at her.”

“The only access to the vault the public had was through the toilet opening,” Hebert wrote. Hebert used a flashlight to look into the vault and said he saw Moody “pressed up against the wall.”

He ordered the man to come out of the corner. He complied and Hebert called in the Conway fire department to assist officers in removing Moody from the tank and to decontaminate him.

“He told me that he was changing clothes when he dropped his wedding ring into he toilet,” Hebert wrote. “He said the ring was very valuable and he did not want to return home without it.”

A day later, the contents of the vault were pumped in order to recover evidence. After the vault was pumped, a pair of waders were recovered and when they were emptied, “I found a green shirt, a pair of white socks and a pair of watershoes inside” the waders, he wrote.

A filter that could screen for items as small as a cigarette butt was used to reexamine the contents. Hebert said the septic operator said “he did not find any rings or any other item of value.”

NASHVILLE, Tenn. — A Nashville International Airport spokeswoman said an American Airlines plane bound for Texas had to make an emergency landing Monday morning in Nashville after matches were lit in flight.  The pilot said the concern was what passengers said they smelled inside the aircraft and that he did not feel it was safe to continue on.

“About 6:30 this morning, an American Airlines pilot called the FAA tower reporting that passengers were smelling fumes like matches being struck within the cabin,” said airport spokeswoman Lynne Lowrance.

The 99 passengers and five crew members were taken inside the terminal after landing so the plane could be checked out.  ”They did find evidence of where matches had been struck in an individual’s seating area.  That individual is being questioned by the FBI at this time,” Lowrance said.

A woman passenger told investigators that she lit matches to mask gas that she emitted.

Just before noon authorities said the passengers re-boarded the plane and continued on to Texas.

The female passenger was released without being charged, but was not allowed back on the American Airlines flight.

Edward de Vere, Earl of Oxford flatulated while swearing loyalty to Queen Elizabeth I and consequently went into self-imposed exile for seven years.

After his return, the Queen was reported to have reassured de Vere: “My Lord, I had quite forgotten the fart.
Emperor Claudius passed a law legalizing flatulating at banquets out of concern for people’s health.  There was a widespread misconception that a person could be poisoned by retaining flatulence.

Nearly one-third of burn related hospital visits of males ages 13 to 20 are due to an attempt to set their flatus alight.